If you are a female in a horror movie chances are you are going to die, that is unless you follow our helpful list of things to avoid.
You may think that life is not worth living once you’ve checked off all our recommendations but at least you’ll have a life to live.
Here are the top 13 things to avoid if you are female and in a horror movie.
Being the best friend
That’s right, the lead having a fun best friend is always a bad sign. In horror movies, close friends are always the first to go!
For example, Sydney’s best friend Tatum in Scream.
For some reason, if you are a female in a horror movie you instantly forget how to run the moment your life depends on it.
Your legs don’t work any more and you will always pick the most treacherous escape route into dark foreboding woods.
Our top tip for survival walk, don’t run, there’s less chance of falling and killers always have a slow scary walk anyway.
Kids are a nightmare at the best of times but, guaranteed, if you are a female in a horror movie you should avoid babysitting like the plague.
As soon as you put those tots to bed and put on a spooky movie, a masked madman will appear at the window ready to attack.
No matter what it pays just say no to babysitting.
It’s always the way in a scary movie.
The moment you pop something in the oven or start making popcorn to watch a movie the psycho killer will call, knock on the door or chase you through the house wielding their weapon of choice.
The best advice we could give is order a takeaway.
Is there anything more frightening for a female in a horror movie than an open stretch of water?
Who knows What Lies Beneath the murky deep, could be a giant killer crocodile or the body of someone long presumed dead come back to life.
Either way, don’t be tempted into a lonely boat ride on any open water unless you plan on getting wet and dead.
Time and time again we see females in horror movies who are shy, single and often virgins survive against all the odds.
As soon as you entertain the notion of a boyfriend he’ll seal your fate.
Guaranteed he’ll either be the guy who has been bumping off your mates or your dalliance will simply make you a target.
It’s all a lesson to stay innocent and pure for as long as possible, all the girls who just wanna have fun don’t have long in horror movies.
So far we’ve given you a lot to stay away from, in fact, any female in a horror movie should instantly write off having a social life altogether.
No one can be trusted and in particular your nearest and dearest friends.
“Everyones a suspect” as Randy so eloquently puts it in Scream and as poor Natalie found out all too late in Urban Legend.
From the fear of the unknown in Blair Witch to flesh-eating virus’s in Cabin Fever and even murderous inbred yocals in Wrong Turn, the woods can be a terrifying place to be for a female in a horror movie.
So unless you are attending a teddy bears picnic we suggest avoiding all heavily wooded areas for the foreseeable future.
Just let the machine pick it up!
We suggest sticking to texting, emailing or even smoke signals, but just don’t pick up the phone.
Okay so the rain is usually just an excuse to get our leading lady looking wet and sexy, however pouring rain usually makes things scarier too.
Think slippier surfaces, reduced visibility and you might catch a cold.
On the plus side, it does a good job washing all those pesky blood stains from your clothes.
Another fine excuse to get the leading lady wet and naked, shower scenes are almost mandatory in the best horror movies.
Of course, if you happen to be a female in a horror movie it’s better to just have a stand-up wash as we all know it won’t end well once the water goes on.
Alcohol and Drugs
Maintaining purity and innocence is key to surviving a horror movie if you are female.
Under absolutely no circumstances are you advised to consume alcohol or any other mind-altering substances.
Once you’ve crossed that line then its the end of the line for you.
As soon as you get behind the wheel, unless you are fleeing at the end of the movie, you’ve pretty much signed your death warrant.
You could find a nasty surprise in the back seat, you could breakdown in a spooky poorly lit road, you could even run over a poor unsuspecting person who you think is dead then dispose of the body with four of your friends only to be haunted by the same person a year later.
So, unless you are pretty sure it’s the end of the movie don’t chance driving and catch the bus.
And that concludes our list of things to avoid if you are a female in a horror movie.
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